For reference, here are the original lyrics to


Kalmar & Ruby

as sung by Frank Crumit and Al Bernard

Long ago in old New Amsterdam
There lived a cousin of the Duke of Buckingham.
His friends knew Buckingham to be a sport,
So the cut the "ham" and called him "Buck" for short.
One day Buck met a little cluck
And he whispered, "Ducky dear",
in accents loud and clear,
"Please marry me right here".
She replied, "I will be your bride if we act without delay".
So they were buckled up that day.
Soon they had a lot of little Bucks, and oh, how fast they grew.
There was one Buck, two Bucks, three Bucks, four Bucks,
No one knows how many more Bucks.
Mrs. Buck would play the ukulele each morn from ten till two,
While old man Buck was singing
All the little Bucks were buck-and-winging.
When they had eggs for breakfast Mr.Buck was out of luck,
'Cause each Buck ate a dozen, and a dozen cost a buck.
When the landlord tried to raise Buck's rent
He couldn't raise a sou;
So he backed up a motor truck;
He said good-bye, and he said good luck;
And moved his wife and all the little Bucks to Timbuctoo!

When the Bucks arrived in Timbuctoo,
A Zulu chieftain by the name of Buckaroo
Was waiting with a buck-board at the pier
He said to Buck, "Pile all your Bucks in here".
Old man Buck said "I think I'll duck,
'Cause this place looks mighty queer."
The Chieftain said "Don't fear; I know you'll like it here."
Just then Buck hollered "We're in luck!"
'Cause he saw a great big sign.
It read "The Buck Beer Here Is Fine".
Soon they had a lot more Bucks, and oh, how fast they grew;
There were two Bucks, four Bucks, six Bucks, eight Bucks
Over-fed and under-weight Bucks.
Old man Buck got on a bucking bronco and away he flew.
He came back home feeling frisky,
With a bucket full of buck-eyed whiskey.
All the little Bucks had never tasted chops or steaks,
'Cause Mrs. Buck fed all the Bucks on home-made buckwheat cakes.
Buck grew thin but kept his height, he was over six-foot-two.
He looked just like a big giraffe
When he walked with his son it would make you laugh,
'Cause the two looked like a Buck and a half
In Timbuctoo.